Johnny America


Four Let­ters


Dear T,

I have heard that you’re plan­ning on mar­ry­ing your long-time boyfriend. I’m glad you are hap­py, if in fact you are, but I’m feel­ing a lit­tle guilty. See, I nev­er told you that I know that five years ago he cheat­ed on you with the girl who was my room­mate at the time. It was while you were in Barcelona study­ing jew­el­ry de­sign. I’ve al­ways con­sid­ered us friends but this is­n’t the sort of thing that comes up in con­ver­sa­tion, plus I as­sumed you would even­tu­al­ly break up. Maybe the two of you had an un­der­stand­ing while you were over­seas, or maybe you al­ready know and have for­giv­en him. I’m go­ing to con­tin­ue to hold my si­lence. Good luck on your marriage.



Dear John Corona,

Get over it, al­ready. Re­al­ly, every­one but you can rec­og­nize that your be­hav­ior is ab­surd. We have not spo­ken to each oth­er in al­most two years. Yet you’re still threat­en­ing bod­i­ly harm to my boyfriend? It’s unacceptable.



Dear N,

Re­mem­ber last week at the Mer­cury Lounge? You went to the bath­room and asked me to hold your drink. It took you so long to get back that I drank it. Then when you came back I told you that you put it down some­where. You be­lieved me. I owe you half of a grayhound.



Dear Artie,

Maybe you’re won­der­ing why I no longer pur­chase sand­wich­es at your lunch truck. I used to do so pret­ty fre­quent­ly, but you start­ed to seem sleazy to me. For in­stance the way you ex­pressed dis­ap­point­ment that I dyed my hair. I was/am not sure you were re­al­ly hit­ting on me, but then when you told me how lone­ly it was to wake up alone in the morn­ing, I fig­ured that was close enough. Al­so, it takes you a re­al­ly long time to make a sandwich.


Filed under Letters on November 20th, 2003

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Reader Comments

Janet wrote:

There are many so­cial agen­cies which can help you with your ad­vanced men­tal illness.
I urge ac­tion immediately!
You – and be­cause of you, all de­cent hu­man be­ings – are in danger!
Seek help immediately!

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