John­ny Amer­i­ca is a col­lec­tive la­bor of love from its ed­i­tors and con­trib­u­tors. In an ef­fort to give some small to­ken of thanks to the strangers who are kind enough to share their work with us, and the col­lec­tive In­ter­net, we’ve start­ed a do­na­tion page over at Pa­tre­on.

Our ed­i­tors are and will al­ways re­main un­paid but mod­e­lesque, but we’d sure love to give each and every au­thor a nice bot­tle of wine, de­li­cious bean bur­ri­to, or some oth­er treat to say thank-you. The kind pa­trons be­low are help­ing sup­port our con­trib­u­tor wine fund by send­ing much-ap­pre­ci­at­ed dol­lars our way. Head over to Pa­tre­on if you’d care to join them and earn your own fab­ri­cat­ed bi­og­ra­phy…

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Jacques De­brot

(Moon Rock Tier)

Grew up on a farm in the Cum­ber­land Moun­tains, where his fam­i­ly raised a rare breed of two-head­ed tab­by cat. There are un­sub­stan­ti­at­ed claims on the in­ter­net of Jacques be­ing a “con­de­scend­ing butthead,” but con­flict­ing re­ports de­scribe him as “bril­liant” so for now we re­serve judgment.

Derek Gray

( Mod­ern Diony­sus Tier )

In­vent­ed blue­ber­ry pan­cakes at the age of nine, be­fore join­ing the cir­cus and be­com­ing a world-renowned hu­man can­non­ball. His re­search in­to brain can­cer is groundbreaking.

J. Ed­ward Kruft

( Mod­ern Diony­sus Tier )

Is con­sid­ered a ge­nius amongst ge­nius­es, laud­ed both for his wit and wash­board-like ab­dom­i­nal mus­cles. His rare abil­i­ty to per­form a flaw­less “Triple Lindy” high-dive makes him both a lit­er­al an fig­u­ra­tive Olympian.

Kyle Sund­by

( Mer­cer & Manci­ni Tier )

Is a near-ex­pert in karate best known for his re­spectable-but-not-quite-chest-ex­plod­ing round­house kick. He is gen­er­ous of spir­it and an ex­cel­lent woodsman.

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