List of Our Kind Patrons
Johnny America is a collective labor of love from its editors and contributors. In an effort to give some small token of thanks to the strangers who are kind enough to share their work with us, and the collective Internet, we’ve started a donation page over at Patreon.
Our editors are and will always remain unpaid but modelesque, but we’d sure love to give each and every author a nice bottle of wine, delicious bean burrito, or some other treat to say thank-you. The kind patrons below are helping support our contributor wine fund by sending much-appreciated dollars our way. Head over to Patreon if you’d care to join them and earn your own fabricated biography…
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Jacques Debrot
(Moon Rock Tier)
Grew up on a farm in the Cumberland Mountains, where his family raised a rare breed of two-headed tabby cat. There are unsubstantiated claims on the internet of Jacques being a “condescending butthead,” but conflicting reports describe him as “brilliant” so for now we reserve judgment.
Derek Gray
( Modern Dionysus Tier )
Invented blueberry pancakes at the age of nine, before joining the circus and becoming a world-renowned human cannonball. His research into brain cancer is groundbreaking.
J. Edward Kruft
( Modern Dionysus Tier )
Is considered a genius amongst geniuses, lauded both for his wit and washboard-like abdominal muscles. His rare ability to perform a flawless “Triple Lindy” high-dive makes him both a literal an figurative Olympian.
Kyle Sundby
( Mercer & Mancini Tier )
Is a near-expert in karate best known for his respectable-but-not-quite-chest-exploding roundhouse kick. He is generous of spirit and an excellent woodsman.
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