Johnny America

 

An­swers to Ques­tions & Ac­cu­sa­tions, In­clud­ing Sub­mis­sions Guide­lines and How to Con­tact Us

Johnny America fishing from a river of wine

About John­ny America

John­ny Amer­i­ca is a large rab­bit who lives in a bun­ga­low on the Moon be­tween two rivers of wine (one red, one white). He is the al­so name­sake of this web­site of fic­tion, hu­mor, and oth­er mis­cel­lany and of the John­ny Amer­i­ca print ’zine that’s pub­lished spo­rad­i­cal­ly by the Moon Rab­bit Drink­ing Club & Benev­o­lence Society.

John­ny Amer­i­ca spends most of his days loung­ing against a low crater, fish­ing rod in paw. Some af­ter­noons he helps plow the cheese fields — to earn ex­tra mon­ey for car­rots — but usu­al­ly he’s in the val­ley cut by the Mer­cer and Manci­ni Rivers, idling. The fish on the Moon are con­stant­ly drunk and easy to catch. They look al­most ex­act­ly like bass but taste of mar­malade and cinnamon.

This web­site is up­dat­ed with a new sto­ry every-oth­er Fri­day. The print ’zine is a far more ir­reg­u­lar af­fair, with some vol­umes is­sued months and oth­ers years apart. We ap­proach each print edi­tion as a mix-tape, pair­ing se­lect sto­ries from the web­site we think fit well to­geth­er with print-ex­clu­sive tid­bits —  think mi­ni-zines, mazes , or glow-in-the dark bookmarks.

If You Would Like to Con­tact a Spe­cif­ic Contributor

You’ll find this list of our at­trac­tive but aloof con­trib­u­tors ex­treme­ly handy. Many list­ings in­clude au­thor e‑mail ad­dress­es and links to con­trib­u­tor’s websites.

What About O.J.?

He loved too hard.

And Snoo­ki?

She tans too hard.

What About Dogs?

They should not eat socks.

And Cats?

They are hi­lar­i­ous and beau­ti­ful and should be dis­cussed at every opportunity.

For Com­ments, Sug­ges­tions, Crit­i­cism, or Trades

There are nu­mer­ous ways to con­tact us.

We wel­come and en­cour­age gifts, lit­er­ary swaps, and un­so­licit­ed baked goods of all va­ri­eties. Send cook­ies, books, ’zines, and bags of wine to:

John­ny Amer­i­ca / PO BOX 3 / Lawrence, Kansas 66044 / U.S.A.

Our e‑mail ad­dress for gen­er­al cor­re­spon­dence is johnnyamerica@johnnyamerica.com. Please do not send sub­mis­sions to this ad­dress; the cor­rect pro­to­col for sub­mis­sions is de­scribed just a lit­tle far­ther down this page.

Re­gard­ing Prop­er Work­place Attire

“Busi­ness shorts” are nev­er acceptable.

And Be­reave­ment Leave

May not be used in mem­o­ry of fall­en celebri­ties with­out ex­press writ­ten ap­proval from Management.

About Sub­mis­sions

Sub­mis­sions will be skimmed by a ju­nior vol­un­teer of ques­tion­able com­pe­tence  (Richard the In­tern) who sneaks web ac­cess while at his day job. If he likes a sub­mis­sion he will pro­pel it to our phys­i­cal­ly per­fect but capri­cious ed­i­tors, who de­pend­ing on their so­bri­ety might or might not take no­tice. Our ju­nior vol­un­teer’s at­ten­tion span is lim­it­ed and his taste un­re­fined. He’s start­ed a fledg­ling list of top­ics and themes we’re not gen­er­al­ly in­ter­est­ed in pub­lish­ing, though as you might imag­ine, on oc­ca­sion we’re like­ly to make ex­cep­tions to our stat­ed prej­u­dices. Please note that un­so­licit­ed po­et­ry sub­mis­sions will be delet­ed with­out reply.

John­ny Amer­i­ca spe­cial­izes in very short-shorts, though we fre­quent­ly ac­cept mere­ly short-ish-shorts and fair­ly of­ten bite on es­says of knee-length ver­bosi­ty. Items over 3,000 words by per­sons oth­er than Eli S. Evans will al­most nev­er be ac­cept­ed, while items over 4,500 words can­not pos­si­bly be con­sid­ered. Items un­der 100 words are usu­al­ly too pe­tite for our tastes, which strong­ly fa­vor the nu­mer­i­cal range be­tween 200 and 2,000 words. As stat­ed in the pre­ced­ing para­graph, please note that un­so­licit­ed po­et­ry sub­mis­sions will not be considered.

By far the eas­i­est way to di­vine what sort of sto­ries we’re look­ing for is to read a copy of the print edi­tion or pe­ruse our ex­ten­sive archives. Like most pub­li­ca­tions, John­ny Amer­i­ca has a tone all its own, and if you haven’t spent an hour or two read­ing J. A. to know whether your sub­mis­sion’s a prob­a­ble fit, you’re do­ing your­self a great dis­ser­vice and in­sult­ing us to boot.

The il­lus­tri­ous Kyle Sund­by is kind enough to lend us his proof­read­ing and copy-edit­ing ex­per­tise. The bour­bon ra­tion we are able to pro­vide him is mi­nus­cule and his pa­tience fi­nite, so we kind­ly re­quest that writ­ers con­tin­ue send­ing on­ly er­ror-free, gram­mat­i­cal­ly pre­fect sumbis­sions for the fore­see­able future.

Please note that pre­vi­ous­ly pub­lished work can­not be con­sid­ered, and that sub­mis­sions will be au­to­mat­i­cal­ly con­sid­ered for both the web­site and print edi­tion, with­out exception.

Si­mul­ta­ne­ous sub­mis­sions? We’re fine with those — but please grant us the cour­tesy of no­ti­fi­ca­tion if your sto­ry’s ac­cept­ed else­where. Al­so: Please send on­ly one sub­mis­sion at a time. Like all pri­mates, we’re lazy and love fresh fruits; be­cause sub­mis­sions with mul­ti­ple at­tach­ments are of­ten a chore to read, they’re like­ly to lay rot­ting at the bot­tom of our e‑mail queues for an in­or­di­nate time.

There’s no need to in­clude an au­thor bio with your sub­mis­sion — if we need one we’ll fab­ri­cate our own — but if you have a web­site or Twit­ter feed you’d like us to list on your au­thor page, it would be wise to let us know so at the time of your sub­mis­sion. Please note that we list con­trib­u­tor e‑mail ad­dress­es on au­thor pages and pro­vide a mech­a­nism for read­er com­ments at the bot­tom of each sto­ry, un­less re­quest­ed otherwise.

All sub­mis­sions should be sent to submissions@johnnyamerica.com.

If you’re a first-time sub­mit­ter, we’d love to hear how you found our lit­tle pub­li­ca­tion, should you care to share.

Please Note

That John­ny Amer­i­ca is in point of fact an all-vol­un­teer af­fair. While we re­serve the right to de­scribe ed­i­to­r­i­al staff yacht­ing ex­pe­di­tions and ice-sculpt­ing soirées from time to time — be­cause it’s our web­site and we can lie if we want to — know that if you’d like to pic­ture our head­quar­ters cor­rect­ly, just walk to your kitchen ta­ble and that’s pret­ty much what our kitchen ta­bles look like too.

Pay­ment

Like your safe­ty, is not guar­an­teed; and if there is any, is like­ly to come in the form of a bot­tle of wine or an amus­ing ob­ject of neg­li­gi­ble mon­e­tary val­ue — a doo­dle of a mon­goose on a cof­fee-stained nap­kin, for example.

As a small to­ken grat­i­tude for shar­ing their words with the world, all con­trib­u­tors to the site will re­ceive a copy of the lat­est Moon Rab­bit Books & Ephemera Cor­po­ra­tion pub­li­ca­tion, which right now means a gratis pa­per­back of Eli S. Evans’ short sto­ry col­lec­tion Ob­scure & Irregular.

We have a fledg­ling Pa­tre­on do­na­tion page with a tiny troupe of sup­port­ers. Our aim with these kind pa­trons’ pledges is to even­tu­al­ly pro­vide small re­mu­ner­a­tion to all of our con­trib­u­tors in the form of books, bot­tles, or de­li­cious bags of cof­fee, but for the time be­ing we’re un­der­fund­ed so we draw re­cent con­trib­u­tors’ names once a quar­ter and send gifts to those we can af­ford to. It’s a far more pleas­ant lot­tery than Shirley Jackson’s.

No

We are not su­per-mod­els, de­spite our glis­ten­ing torsos.

Al­so

Know that we re­spond to all sub­mis­sions with­in one month. If you don’t hear from us with­in a month, it’s safe to say your mes­sage was lost due ei­ther to our ju­nior vol­un­teer’s ever-wa­ver­ing or­ga­ni­za­tion­al abil­i­ties or to over-ac­tive e‑mail fil­ters. Con­sid­er your­self en­cour­aged to re-send your work.

And

We re­serve the non-ex­clu­sive right to reprint sub­mis­sions in any print or elec­tron­ic com­pi­la­tion we can man­age to pub­lish, with the un­der­stand­ing that as long as John­ny Amer­i­ca re­mains a scrap­py, im­pov­er­ished af­fair nei­ther monies nor sec­ondary mon­goose-draw­ings shall be re­quired, but that that if there’s ever se­ri­ous dough to be divvied, prof­its will be shared in a fair and trans­par­ent man­ner and we won’t short-change our writers.

What of Copyrights?

All items on this web­site and in the print mag­a­zine are © Copy­right­ed and are not to be stolen. Sto­ries pub­lished here are the in­tel­lec­tu­al prop­er­ty of their au­thors. Site de­sign and un­cred­it­ed text are © Copy­right 2003 – 90210 by the Moon Rab­bit Drink­ing Club & Benev­o­lence Society.

If You Have a Web Site and Would Like to Link to Us

You are en­cour­aged to do so, free of charge. We are well-re­spect­ed but sur­pris­ing­ly un­pop­u­lar, and could use the publicity.

We main­tain a list of Friends of John­ny Amer­i­ca, so please do give us a shout if you link to us and we’ll like­ly re­turn the favor.

We’re al­so on Mastodon, Face­book, Twit­ter, and In­sta­gram, and would ap­pre­ci­ate your dig­i­tal friend­ship on those plat­forms should you care to ex­tend an elec­tric handshake.

As Al­ways

John­ny Amer­i­ca is free to all res­i­dents of Antarc­ti­ca.

And Al­so

Yours to pe­ruse in the zine col­lec­tions these fine li­braries: Lawrence, Kansas; Jack­sonville, Flori­da; New York City, New York.

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