Johnny America


Answers to Questions & Accusations, Including Submissions Guidelines and How to Contact Us

Johnny America fishing from a river of wine

About Johnny America

John­ny Amer­i­ca is a large rab­bit who lives in a bun­ga­low on the Moon between two rivers of wine (one red, one white). He is the also name­sake of this web­site of fic­tion, humor, and oth­er mis­cel­lany and of the John­ny Amer­i­ca print ’zine that’s pub­lished spo­rad­i­cal­ly by the Moon Rab­bit Drink­ing Club & Benev­o­lence Society.

John­ny Amer­i­ca spends most of his days loung­ing against a low crater, fish­ing rod in paw. Some after­noons he helps plow the cheese fields — to earn extra mon­ey for car­rots — but usu­al­ly he’s in the val­ley cut by the Mer­cer and Manci­ni Rivers, idling. The fish on the Moon are con­stant­ly drunk and easy to catch. They look almost exact­ly like bass but taste of mar­malade and cinnamon.

If You Would Like to Contact a Specific Contributor

You’ll find this list of our attrac­tive but aloof con­trib­u­tors extreme­ly handy. Many list­ings include author e‑mail address­es and links to con­trib­u­tor’s websites.

What About O.J.?

He loved too hard.

And Snooki?

She tans too hard.

What About Dogs?

They should not eat socks.

And Cats?

They are hilar­i­ous and beau­ti­ful and should be dis­cussed at every opportunity.

For Comments, Suggestions, Criticism, or Trades

There are numer­ous ways to con­tact us.

We wel­come and encour­age gifts, lit­er­ary swaps, and unso­licit­ed baked goods of all vari­eties. Send cook­ies, books, ’zines, and bags of wine to:

John­ny Amer­i­ca / PO BOX 3 / Lawrence, Kansas 66044 / U.S.A.

Our e‑mail address for gen­er­al cor­re­spon­dence is Please do not send sub­mis­sions to this address; the cor­rect pro­to­col for sub­mis­sions is described just a lit­tle far­ther down this page.

Regarding Proper Workplace Attire

“Busi­ness shorts” are nev­er acceptable.

And Bereavement Leave

May not be used in mem­o­ry of fall­en celebri­ties with­out express writ­ten approval from Management.

About Submissions

Sub­mis­sions will be skimmed by a junior vol­un­teer of ques­tion­able com­pe­tence  (Richard the Intern) who sneaks web access while at his day job. If he likes a sub­mis­sion he will pro­pel it to our phys­i­cal­ly per­fect but capri­cious edi­tors, who depend­ing on their sobri­ety might or might not take notice. Our junior vol­un­teer’s atten­tion span is lim­it­ed and his taste unre­fined. He’s start­ed a fledg­ling list of top­ics and themes we’re not gen­er­al­ly inter­est­ed in pub­lish­ing, though as you might imag­ine, on occa­sion we’re like­ly to make excep­tions to our stat­ed prej­u­dices. Please note that unso­licit­ed poet­ry sub­mis­sions will be delet­ed with­out reply.

John­ny Amer­i­ca spe­cial­izes in very short-shorts, though we fre­quent­ly accept mere­ly short-ish-shorts and fair­ly often bite on essays of knee-length ver­bosi­ty. Items over 3,000 words by per­sons oth­er than Eli S. Evans will almost nev­er be accept­ed, while items over 4,500 words can­not pos­si­bly be con­sid­ered. Items under 100 words are usu­al­ly too petite for our tastes, which strong­ly favor the numer­i­cal range between 200 and 2,000 words. As stat­ed in the pre­ced­ing para­graph, please note that unso­licit­ed poet­ry sub­mis­sions will not be considered.

By far the eas­i­est way to divine what sort of sto­ries we’re look­ing for is to read a copy of the print edi­tion or peruse our exten­sive archives. Like most pub­li­ca­tions, John­ny Amer­i­ca has a tone all its own, and if you haven’t spent an hour or two read­ing J. A. to know whether your sub­mis­sion’s a prob­a­ble fit, you’re doing your­self a great dis­ser­vice and insult­ing us to boot.

The illus­tri­ous Kyle Sund­by is kind enough to lend us his proof­read­ing and copy-edit­ing exper­tise. The bour­bon ration we are able to pro­vide him is minus­cule and his patience finite, so we kind­ly request that writ­ers con­tin­ue send­ing only error-free, gram­mat­i­cal­ly pre­fect sumbis­sions for the fore­see­able future.

Please note that pre­vi­ous­ly pub­lished work can­not be con­sid­ered, and that sub­mis­sions will be auto­mat­i­cal­ly con­sid­ered for both the web­site and print edi­tion, with­out exception.

Simul­ta­ne­ous sub­mis­sions? We’re fine with those — but please grant us the cour­tesy of noti­fi­ca­tion if your sto­ry’s accept­ed else­where. Also: Please send only one sub­mis­sion at a time. Like all pri­mates, we’re lazy and love fresh fruits; because sub­mis­sions with mul­ti­ple attach­ments are often a chore to read, they’re like­ly to lay rot­ting at the bot­tom of our e‑mail queues for an inor­di­nate time.

There’s no need to include an author bio with your sub­mis­sion — if we need one we’ll fab­ri­cate our own — but if you have a web­site or Twit­ter feed you’d like us to list on your author page, it would be wise to let us know so at the time of your sub­mis­sion. Please note that we list con­trib­u­tor e‑mail address­es on author pages and pro­vide a mech­a­nism for read­er com­ments at the bot­tom of each sto­ry, unless request­ed otherwise.

All sub­mis­sions should be sent to

If you’re a first-time sub­mit­ter, we’d love to hear how you found our lit­tle pub­li­ca­tion, should you care to share.

Please Note

That John­ny Amer­i­ca is in point of fact an all-vol­un­teer affair. While we reserve the right to describe edi­to­r­i­al staff yacht­ing expe­di­tions and ice-sculpt­ing soirées from time to time — because it’s our web­site and we can lie if we want to — know that if you’d like to pic­ture our head­quar­ters cor­rect­ly, just walk to your kitchen table and that’s pret­ty much what our kitchen tables look like too.


Like your safe­ty, is not guar­an­teed; and if there is any, is like­ly to come in the form of a bot­tle of wine or an amus­ing object of neg­li­gi­ble mon­e­tary val­ue — a doo­dle of a mon­goose on a cof­fee-stained nap­kin, for example.

As a small token grat­i­tude for shar­ing their words with the world, all con­trib­u­tors to the site will receive a copy of the lat­est Moon Rab­bit Books & Ephemera Cor­po­ra­tion pub­li­ca­tion, which right now means a gratis paper­back of Eli S. Evans’ short sto­ry col­lec­tion Obscure & Irregular.

We have a fledg­ling Patre­on dona­tion page with a tiny troupe of sup­port­ers. Our aim with these kind patrons’ pledges is to even­tu­al­ly pro­vide small remu­ner­a­tion to all of our con­trib­u­tors in the form of books, bot­tles, or deli­cious bags of cof­fee, but for the time being we’re under­fund­ed so we draw recent con­trib­u­tors’ names once a quar­ter and send gifts to those we can afford to. It’s a far more pleas­ant lot­tery than Shirley Jackson’s.


We are not super-mod­els, despite our glis­ten­ing torsos.


Know that we respond to all sub­mis­sions with­in one month. If you don’t hear from us with­in a month, it’s safe to say your mes­sage was lost due either to our junior vol­un­teer’s ever-waver­ing orga­ni­za­tion­al abil­i­ties or to over-active e‑mail fil­ters. Con­sid­er your­self encour­aged to re-send your work.


We reserve the non-exclu­sive right to reprint sub­mis­sions in any print or elec­tron­ic com­pi­la­tion we can man­age to pub­lish, with the under­stand­ing that as long as John­ny Amer­i­ca remains a scrap­py, impov­er­ished affair nei­ther monies nor sec­ondary mon­goose-draw­ings shall be required, but that that if there’s ever seri­ous dough to be divvied, prof­its will be shared in a fair and trans­par­ent man­ner and we won’t short-change our writers.

What of Copyrights?

All items on this web­site and in the print mag­a­zine are © Copy­right­ed and are not to be stolen. Sto­ries pub­lished here are the intel­lec­tu­al prop­er­ty of their authors. Site design and uncred­it­ed text are © Copy­right 2003 – 90210 by the Moon Rab­bit Drink­ing Club & Benev­o­lence Society.

If You Have a Web Site and Would Like to Link to Us

You are encour­aged to do so, free of charge. We are well-respect­ed but sur­pris­ing­ly unpop­u­lar, and could use the publicity.

We main­tain a list of Friends of John­ny Amer­i­ca, so please do give us a shout if you link to us and we’ll like­ly return the favor.

We’re also on Mastodon, Face­book, Twit­ter, and Insta­gram, and would appre­ci­ate your dig­i­tal friend­ship on those plat­forms should you care to extend an elec­tric handshake.

And As Always

John­ny Amer­i­ca is free to all res­i­dents of Antarc­ti­ca.

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