Answers to Questions & Accusations, Including Submissions Guidelines and How to Contact Us
About Johnny America
Johnny America is a large rabbit who lives in a bungalow on the Moon between two rivers of wine (one red, one white). He is the also namesake of this website of fiction, humor, and other miscellany and of the Johnny America print ’zine that’s published sporadically by the Moon Rabbit Drinking Club & Benevolence Society.
Johnny America spends most of his days lounging against a low crater, fishing rod in paw. Some afternoons he helps plow the cheese fields — to earn extra money for carrots — but usually he’s in the valley cut by the Mercer and Mancini Rivers, idling. The fish on the Moon are constantly drunk and easy to catch. They look almost exactly like bass but taste of marmalade and cinnamon.
If You Would Like to Contact a Specific Contributor
You’ll find this list of our attractive but aloof contributors extremely handy. Many listings include author e‑mail addresses and links to contributor’s websites.
What About O.J.?
He loved too hard.
And Snooki?
She tans too hard.
What About Dogs?
They should not eat socks.
And Cats?
They are hilarious and beautiful and should be discussed at every opportunity.
For Comments, Suggestions, Criticism, or Trades
There are numerous ways to contact us.
We welcome and encourage gifts, literary swaps, and unsolicited baked goods of all varieties. Send cookies, books, ’zines, and bags of wine to:
Johnny America / PO BOX 3 / Lawrence, Kansas 66044 / U.S.A.
Our e‑mail address for general correspondence is johnnyamerica@johnnyamerica.com. Please do not send submissions to this address; the correct protocol for submissions is described just a little farther down this page.
Regarding Proper Workplace Attire
“Business shorts” are never acceptable.
And Bereavement Leave
May not be used in memory of fallen celebrities without express written approval from Management.
About Submissions
Submissions will be skimmed by a junior volunteer of questionable competence (Richard the Intern) who sneaks web access while at his day job. If he likes a submission he will propel it to our physically perfect but capricious editors, who depending on their sobriety might or might not take notice. Our junior volunteer’s attention span is limited and his taste unrefined. He’s started a fledgling list of topics and themes we’re not generally interested in publishing, though as you might imagine, on occasion we’re likely to make exceptions to our stated prejudices. Please note that unsolicited poetry submissions will be deleted without reply.
Johnny America specializes in very short-shorts, though we frequently accept merely short-ish-shorts and fairly often bite on essays of knee-length verbosity. Items over 3,000 words by persons other than Eli S. Evans will almost never be accepted, while items over 4,500 words cannot possibly be considered. Items under 100 words are usually too petite for our tastes, which strongly favor the numerical range between 200 and 2,000 words. As stated in the preceding paragraph, please note that unsolicited poetry submissions will not be considered.
By far the easiest way to divine what sort of stories we’re looking for is to read a copy of the print edition or peruse our extensive archives. Like most publications, Johnny America has a tone all its own, and if you haven’t spent an hour or two reading J. A. to know whether your submission’s a probable fit, you’re doing yourself a great disservice and insulting us to boot.
The illustrious Kyle Sundby is kind enough to lend us his proofreading and copy-editing expertise. The bourbon ration we are able to provide him is minuscule and his patience finite, so we kindly request that writers continue sending only error-free, grammatically prefect sumbissions for the foreseeable future.
Please note that previously published work cannot be considered, and that submissions will be automatically considered for both the website and print edition, without exception.
Simultaneous submissions? We’re fine with those — but please grant us the courtesy of notification if your story’s accepted elsewhere. Also: Please send only one submission at a time. Like all primates, we’re lazy and love fresh fruits; because submissions with multiple attachments are often a chore to read, they’re likely to lay rotting at the bottom of our e‑mail queues for an inordinate time.
There’s no need to include an author bio with your submission — if we need one we’ll fabricate our own — but if you have a website or Twitter feed you’d like us to list on your author page, it would be wise to let us know so at the time of your submission. Please note that we list contributor e‑mail addresses on author pages and provide a mechanism for reader comments at the bottom of each story, unless requested otherwise.
All submissions should be sent to submissions@johnnyamerica.com.
If you’re a first-time submitter, we’d love to hear how you found our little publication, should you care to share.
Please Note
That Johnny America is in point of fact an all-volunteer affair. While we reserve the right to describe editorial staff yachting expeditions and ice-sculpting soirées from time to time — because it’s our website and we can lie if we want to — know that if you’d like to picture our headquarters correctly, just walk to your kitchen table and that’s pretty much what our kitchen tables look like too.
Payment
Like your safety, is not guaranteed; and if there is any, is likely to come in the form of a bottle of wine or an amusing object of negligible monetary value — a doodle of a mongoose on a coffee-stained napkin, for example.
As a small token gratitude for sharing their words with the world, all contributors to the site will receive a copy of the latest Moon Rabbit Books & Ephemera Corporation publication, which right now means a gratis paperback of Eli S. Evans’ short story collection Obscure & Irregular.
We have a fledgling Patreon donation page with a tiny troupe of supporters. Our aim with these kind patrons’ pledges is to eventually provide small remuneration to all of our contributors in the form of books, bottles, or delicious bags of coffee, but for the time being we’re underfunded so we draw recent contributors’ names once a quarter and send gifts to those we can afford to. It’s a far more pleasant lottery than Shirley Jackson’s.
No
We are not super-models, despite our glistening torsos.
Also
Know that we respond to all submissions within one month. If you don’t hear from us within a month, it’s safe to say your message was lost due either to our junior volunteer’s ever-wavering organizational abilities or to over-active e‑mail filters. Consider yourself encouraged to re-send your work.
And
We reserve the non-exclusive right to reprint submissions in any print or electronic compilation we can manage to publish, with the understanding that as long as Johnny America remains a scrappy, impoverished affair neither monies nor secondary mongoose-drawings shall be required, but that that if there’s ever serious dough to be divvied, profits will be shared in a fair and transparent manner and we won’t short-change our writers.
What of Copyrights?
All items on this website and in the print magazine are © Copyrighted and are not to be stolen. Stories published here are the intellectual property of their authors. Site design and uncredited text are © Copyright 2003 – 90210 by the Moon Rabbit Drinking Club & Benevolence Society.
If You Have a Web Site and Would Like to Link to Us
You are encouraged to do so, free of charge. We are well-respected but surprisingly unpopular, and could use the publicity.
We maintain a list of Friends of Johnny America, so please do give us a shout if you link to us and we’ll likely return the favor.
We’re also on Mastodon, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, and would appreciate your digital friendship on those platforms should you care to extend an electric handshake.
And As Always
Johnny America is free to all residents of Antarctica.
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