Johnny America


Lunch­ables Re­viewed: Chick­en Dunks


Picture of a Satanic mouth, eating a Lunchables.

I’d spent most of the morn­ing work­ing on a chromed-out 1992 Hon­da Ac­cord, re­plac­ing an oxy­gen sen­sor here and a spark plug there while day­dream­ing about the Lunch­ables “Chick­en Dunks” snack pack cow­er­ing in the shop re­frig­er­a­tor, cow­er­ing in fear of its im­pend­ing tor­ment be­tween my gnash­ing teeth. The nugget-shaped pat­ties were bland and slight­ly moist, a felo­nious farce of what a re­al nugget should be (crisply, de­li­cious, mas­cu­line). As I dipped the ’nug­gs in the starch-en­hanced ketchup, I imag­ined the ketchup al­ter­nate­ly as blood and la­va, a tor­ture dunk for sins against Nugget­dom. The two dou­ble-stuffed Ore­os, with a cof­fee chas­er, round­ed out an over­all en­joy­able snack.

Filed under A Satanic Mechanic Reviews Lunchables & Food on June 19th, 2020

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