Johnny America

 

Vesti La Giubba

by

Illustration of a sad opera clown staring at a whiskey glass.

My wife and I went to see a co­me­di­an for our 17th an­niver­sary. We left the kids at home by them­selves, the el­dest be­ing six­teen and able to watch the younger two. We dressed in our finest wools, satins, and ex­pen­sive per­fumes, though the show was in a bar-style com­e­dy club. The co­me­di­an was a cyn­i­cal Fred Stoller type, so ba­nal we as­sumed he was putting on an act. It wouldn’t have made sense for some­one like that to be so fun­ny. He talked about sui­cide, a choice that made the crowd go qui­et with un­easy anticipation.

“Sui­cide. Some­times I’ll get so de­pressed, I don’t even wan­na com­mit sui­cide. I lay in bed, thinkin’, ‘What should I do to­day? Should I com­mit sui­cide?’ Ehh, not worth the effort.’”

I laughed from with­in my whiskey glass. I re­mem­bered how I used to feel that way, and now I had my young kids, my pret­ty wife, my easy job. Af­ter the show end­ed, my wife and I stayed for an­oth­er drink. We left soon af­ter fin­ish­ing our drinks and pay­ing our tab.

A few months af­ter the show, my wife dropped a news­pa­per on the ta­ble, flipped to an ar­ti­cle in the cul­ture sec­tion: the co­me­di­an had com­mit­ted sui­cide. He’d dri­ven in­to a wall at a hun­dred miles an hour. His car had crum­pled like the bel­lows of an ac­cor­dion, and he had died on im­pact. My wife looked at me, chew­ing on her lip, pulling at the lines on her face: “I don’t know,” she said, “should we be proud?”

Filed under Fiction on July 19th, 2024

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