Johnny America


And Who Ex­act­ly Are The Freaks [Who] Come Out At Night, Whodini?


Ec­sta­sy: Shit, there were so many. All night long, just freaks comin’ out of the wood­work. Re­mem­ber that, y’all?

Jalil: And goin’ on. I was bor­der­line ago­ra­pho­bic for a while.

Grand­mas­ter Dee: Hell, yeah. If you want­ed to see some freaks, all you need­ed to do back then was come in­to our neigh­bor­hood around 7:00 at night. Typ­i­cal freaks, as far as your eyes could see. Man, let me think. There was…uh…

Ec­sta­sy: It was­n’t al­ways freaky at 7:00.

Grand­mas­ter Dee: Huh?

Ec­sta­sy: I said not always.

Grand­mas­ter Dee: You’re crazy in­side the head, man! Night falls and it’s just freaks. Every­where was freaks. You know I ain’t lyin’. You re­mem­ber that shit, right?

Ec­sta­sy: Not dur­ing day­light sav­ings — bitch.

Jalil: Aww, that’s true, man! He just took your nuts…

Grand­mas­ter Dee: Aww, fuck that, y’all. Ok ok, when it was­n’t day­light sav­ings, come 7:00 — freaks. Like I was sayin’, though…there was…there was…uh…

Jalil: Well, shit. Ra­mone! Re­mem­ber that dude, Ra­mone? He was freaky!

Grand­mas­ter Dee: Um-hm. Yep. Ra­mone was a freaky dude. I re­mem­ber one time, it must have been about 9:45 at night, he shows up at my house try­ing to bor­row my crock pot so he could cook some potatoes.

Ec­sta­sy: Aw, man. That’s not freaky. I’ll tell you who was freaky; Ed was a freaky dude. Re­mem­ber he used to dri­ve around all over town, man. He’d just dri­ve all night. Then, just when you thought he’d be gone for­ev­er, that mutha­fuc­ka would sure enough be back at home. Man that was freaky.

Grand­mas­ter Dee: Damn right that was freaky! Man, I’m hungry.

Ec­sta­sy: Me too.

Jalil: Hey, I know! What about old Hen­ry? Shit, he was the cra­zi­est of ’em all. Re­mem­ber when he used to come to the door and de­liv­er all those let­ters? Man, he did­n’t even care. Box­es, let­ters, pack­ages, parcels. Everything.

Grand­mas­ter Dee: Yeah, but that was dur­ing the day.

Ec­sta­sy: It was. That was dur­ing the day. But that was freaky, you ain’t lyin’.

Jalil: Oh, yeah. Yeah. But re­mem­ber that fool at night!? Aw, man…what did he do?

Grand­mas­ter Dee: Man, I nev­er saw him at night. I can’t speak to that.

Jalil: I’ll bet he was re­al freaky, though.

Ec­sta­sy: Not nec­es­sar­i­ly. Maybe he was just an av­er­age dude at night.

Grand­mas­ter Dee: Well, ok. We need to clear this up. Maybe all the freaks did­n’t come out at night. But I mean, as a gen­er­al rule…

Jalil: Look, think of it this way: Maybe all the peo­ple that came out at night were freaks, but not all the freaks nec­es­sar­i­ly came out at night. I mean, it’s a pret­ty easy syllogism.

Ec­sta­sy: Oh, snaps. Aris­to­tle for that ass!

Grand­mas­ter Dee: Huh? Aris­to­tle was­n’t freaky. That dude just sat out on the cor­ner, sell­ing falafal. Ac­tu­al­ly, that was pret­ty freaky, now that I think about it.

Ec­sta­sy: Man, naw. A dif­fer­ent Aris­to­tle, you old fool. But, Jalil, I’m a lit­tle con­cerned that you try­ing to lim­it your scope to in­clude on­ly cat­e­gor­i­cal syl­lo­gisms? I think that…

Jalil: Man, I’m get­ting hun­gry now too.

Ec­sta­sy: I won­der what Kant would say about all this.

Jalil: I think we should go to TGI Fri­day’s for dinner.

Grand­mas­ter Dee: Kant would­n’t say that shit!

Ec­sta­sy: I don’t know, man. He might. I’m down for TGI Friday’s.

Grand­mas­ter Dee: Well, don’t get me wrong — I’m down too, I’m just sayin…

Jalil: Wait, wait. What time is it?

Ec­sta­sy: About 8:30. Why?

Jalil: That dude Chauncey is work­ing tonight. That cat is freaky for real.

Grand­mas­ter Dee: Oh, man. Damn! That dude is freaky. All night long, just hand­ing out menus and walk­ing around in that crazy uni­form. Damn!

Ec­sta­sy: True. True. I’d al­most rather just or­der in, you know? Too many freaks out there.

Jalil: For real.

Grand­mas­ter Dee: It’s a damn shame.

Filed under Fiction on August 29th, 2008

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