by Johnny AMERICA

Why fifty-sev­en in­di­vid­u­als sought “roast­ed mum­mi­fied chick­ens,” we can­not be sure. We thank Ya­hoo! for send­ing them our way, and hope they be­come reg­u­lar readers.

• “naked girls on mo­tor­bikes” was al­so a com­mon search for June (six­teen search­es). We won­der about chaffing is­sues. Are bruised thighs in­te­gral to their appeal?
• How lazy must a man be to search the In­ter­net for “ ‘old sexy broads“They are every­where! Head to your lo­cal cafe­te­ria or yarn out­let and you will not be disappointed.
• Who­ev­er asked Google to find “dun­geon drag­ons char­ac­ter awe­some“ ‘ is sure­ly a nerd, wor­thy of milk-mon­ey theft, but at least their query is en­thu­si­as­tic. “un­able to stay awake af­ter eat­ing,” by con­trast, sounds defeatist.
• “my wife puts make­up on me” sparks cu­rios­i­ty be­cause the phras­ing does­n’t be­tray the mo­tive for this eye­lin­er-laden hus­band’s query. Does he want ad­vice on call­ing her paint­ing to a halt? Does he think her makeovers make him like a whore? Is he long­ing for a more nat­ur­al look?
• “run­ning re­tard,” “necrophil­i­ac std,” and “mar­i­onette thun­der­bird” all sound like snip­pets of con­trived­ly “edgy” poetry.
• “show me pic­tures of mex­i­can break­fast bur­ri­tos” is a de­mand we wish we could obey, but who can both­er with a cam­era when there are de­li­cious eggs and chunks of spicy sausages wrapped in a gold­en grilled tor­tilla shell?

Filed under How You Might've Found Johnny America on July 1st, 2005

—

Care to Share?

—§—

Previous Post

« My Tele­ki­net­ic Pow­ers: Day 8 Af­ter Their Mys­te­ri­ous Appearance

—

Next Post

Af­ter the Zom­bies Came: Day 14 »

Join our Irregular Mailing List