How You Might’ve Found Johnny America #24: June, 2005
Why fifty-seven individuals sought “roasted mummified chickens,” we cannot be sure. We thank Yahoo! for sending them our way, and hope they become regular readers.
- “naked girls on motorbikes” was also a common search for June (sixteen searches). We wonder about chaffing issues. Are bruised thighs integral to their appeal?
- How lazy must a man be to search the Internet for “ ‘old sexy broads“They are everywhere! Head to your local cafeteria or yarn outlet and you will not be disappointed.
- Whoever asked Google to find “dungeon dragons character awesome“ ‘ is surely a nerd, worthy of milk-money theft, but at least their query is enthusiastic. “unable to stay awake after eating,” by contrast, sounds defeatist.
- “my wife puts makeup on me” sparks curiosity because the phrasing doesn’t betray the motive for this eyeliner-laden husband’s query. Does he want advice on calling her painting to a halt? Does he think her makeovers make him like a whore? Is he longing for a more natural look?
- “running retard,” “necrophiliac std,” and “marionette thunderbird” all sound like snippets of contrivedly “edgy” poetry.
- “show me pictures of mexican breakfast burritos” is a demand we wish we could obey, but who can bother with a camera when there are delicious eggs and chunks of spicy sausages wrapped in a golden grilled tortilla shell?
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