by Johnny AMERICA

• We had 932 vis­i­tors seek­ing “armin mei­wes,” the fa­mous Ger­man can­ni­bal. Google, in­ex­plic­a­bly, ranks J.A. a bet­ter source than CNN on this tasty topic.
• Sev­en peo­ple found us through the query “i fucked my sis­ter,” nine­teen “fuck­ing my sis­ter,” twelve were look­ing for “i fuck my sis­ter,” three searched for “i want my sis­ter in bed,” and two for “my sis­ter is hot.” There were dozens of vari­ants. “my broth­er and i fucked my sis­ter” was one of the more dis­turb­ing, “my sis­ter my slut” the most lyri­cal, and “i fuck my sis­ter help” the on­ly query that point­ed to­ward a searcher look­ing to end their strange love in­ter­est. Boys and girls, john­nyamer­i­ca dot net de­clares in­cest Bad News. One fel­low found our site by search­ing for “pic­tures of the per­fect girls to cud­dle” — now that’s a man who loves things Sweet and Healthy and Legal.
• Why “nig­ga pweeze” turned up J.A. is a mys­tery. Pweeze!?
• The search “hol­ley wood nude stars“disappoints on many levels.
• “i fucked my sis­ter and she fuck­ing loved it,” while part of the rather dis­turb­ing trend, showed a re­fresh­ing con­fi­dence that many mod­ern (“sen­si­tive”) men lack.
• We’re not sure what “mum­mi­fied toes drink­ing club” is, but we want to go.
• We love “hot bitch­es on mi­ni bikes” too, and hope who­ev­er was look­ing found.
• Sad­ly, J.A. holds no “pi­geon love po­ems,” but we strong­ly en­cour­age submissions.
• The query “get the shirt like au­dioslave has on the show me how to live mu­sic video,” while lengthy, makes no sense to our fee­ble lit­tle brains.
• Some­one found this site my look­ing for “mark brown is a hand­some man.” We sus­pect it was Brown, or his wife.

Filed under How You Might've Found Johnny America on August 1st, 2004

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