by Johnny AMERICA

• Scan­ning this hum­ble web site’s “search en­gine re­fer­ral keyphras­es” log, one can’t help but won­der what sort of char­ac­ter typed, “you wouldn’t hit a man with a mus­tache,” as their Google search query. Was it a mus­ta­chioed wimp aim­ing to use their man­ly han­dle­bar of hair as a line of de­fense? A would-be ruf­fi­an who just couldn’t bring them­selves to punch a gen­tle­man with a per­fect­ly waxed Fu Manchu? So many ques­tions, so few answers…
• “my butt is your butt” is a far less mys­te­ri­ous query, clear­ly the work of a Glu­teus Com­mu­nist, the fringe po­lit­i­cal frac­tion fa­mous for their mot­to, “butts of the world, unite!”
• By far the most pop­u­lar search phrase bring­ing peo­ple to J.A. as of late is [ Search phrase redact­ed ], the name of one of our kind con­trib­u­tors and al­so the name of a well-en­dowed pro­fes­sion­al in the pornog­ra­phy in­dus­try. Based on our brief in­ves­ti­ga­tions we do not be­lieve [ Search phrase redact­ed ], the writer, is the same in­di­vid­ual as [ Search phrase redact­ed ], the ac­tor, but we can­not cer­tain be­cause of the pa­pi­er-mâché leop­ard mask.

Filed under How You Might've Found Johnny America on March 22nd, 2019

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