A Step-By-Step Guide to Dealing with the Death of a Dog
- Approach the door, holding the empty collar with the dog tags that match the address in your right hand.
- Ring the doorbell with your left hand.
- If a small child answers, ask to speak to their parents.
- Truthfully tell the owners that you found their dog on the road.
- Lie and say she had already been hit when you found her.
- Mutter something about how the city has leash laws for a reason, but then give a sympathetic shrug to take some sting from the implied blame.
- Lie further, and say when you encountered their dog, she was already dead.
- Build on that falsehood and assert, “it looked like it all happened, really, really quick.”
- Now, tell them the Big Truth. Explain how you’re a dog lover as well. And how you know — only too well — that terrible aching-emptiness of losing your dog.
- Tell a blended truth-untruth, and say that, “you’re very sorry for their loss.”
- Hand them the collar.
- Go to a pet store.
- Purchase a new collar.
- Now, go home and fill that aching-emptiness with your newfound friend.
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