Johnny America


Just Ask James: Perplexed


Dear Mr. Spillane,

I am per­plexed be­cause of a friend with para­noid ten­den­cies. I’m afraid that this friend has ideas about me and sus­pects I might be as in­sane as every­one else in their life. I find the way this per­son treats me to be quite rude. I de­sire to keep a con­nec­tion with this in­tel­li­gent per­son, to con­tin­ue en­joy­ing their con­ver­sa­tion and com­pa­ny, but late­ly their be­hav­ior has be­come dis­turbing­ly dis­hon­est, and as they say, hon­esty is the best pol­i­cy. I’m not sure how con­fide to this per­son, “you are treat­ing me like a piece of shit.” Can you shed any light on my hope­less situation?

Thank you for tak­ing time to read my letter,

K. El­trich


Dear Dick Toe Intelligence,

If some­one treats you rude­ly, punch them in the face. See what hap­pens. As far as “wicked smaats” go, I rarely find it in com­mon folk. You got to read! You know this now, I am sure you do.

I ad­mire in­tel­li­gence as much as the next man — I find most of it in his­to­ry, I find some of it here with John­ny Amer­i­ca — these cats are fun­ny. There are kids out there bend­ing the arch of time and in­tel­li­gence, but your friend seems about as smart as a re­tard sandwich.

Again, punch that kid in the face and all your prob­lems will be solved. Trust me.


Filed under Just Ask James on December 24th, 2008

Care to Share?

Reader Comments

Gavin wrote:

Love your Bar­bar­ian out­look, but half the time you are right. Keep it sim­ple stupid.

Consider posting a note of comment on this item:


Previous Post


Next Post


Join our Irregular Mailing List

For very occasional ramblings, word about new print ephemera, and of course exciting investment opportunities.