Johnny America


Var­ie­gat­ed: Many col­ored (adj.)


Alo­ha. This sto­ry ar­rive in our In­box with an ori­gin tale. Var­ie­gat­ed is part of a se­ries of shorts in­spired by the mean­ings of words that peo­ple need to know for the Grad­u­ate Record Ex­am­i­na­tion (GRE), writ­ten by the au­thor in an at­tempt to make study­ing for the test bear­able. He’s writ­ten many such sto­ries, and it’s our plea­sure to present this one to you. — Alo­ha, J.A.

Have you ever med­i­tat­ed on the top of a very tall moun­tain and a tou­can shat on your shoul­der and you said “oh shit, a tou­can just shat on my shoul­der,” and an ele­phant walked by and har­rumphed and you asked him about the laws of the jun­gle and if there were any robe-shit­ting rules, and af­ter you asked your ques­tion you imag­ined that the ele­phant was walk­ing with a ba­by ele­phant that was as small as a mouse even though ele­phants are sup­posed to be afraid of mice, and then you imag­ined that this tiny ele­phant was friends with all the mice in the jun­gle and that this ba­by mouse ele­phant could­n’t un­der­stand why his fam­i­ly got so freaked out at the din­ner cir­cle when he told them hon­est­ly where he was spend­ing his spare time, and that the ba­by mouse ba­by ele­phan­t’s best friend was a mouse named Sam and that Sam was all sorts of in­ter­est­ing col­ors and was known through­out the for­est for be­ing the mac-dad­dy with all the la­dy tou­cans, and so you guessed that it was prob­a­bly a fe­male tou­can shit­ting with de­light when she saw Sam hang­ing out with the ba­by mouse ele­phant, there­fore caus­ing the dis­rup­tion of your search for enlightenment?

Filed under Fiction on September 27th, 2007

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