Johnny America


To Some of the Men I Buy Cof­fee from in the Mornings


Guy in the cart by the Rite Aid:

Hi there. Your lit­tle met­al cart says “Best Cof­fee in Town!” I used to buy one small cup from you every day, for 75 cents. You al­ways called me “dear” which I think is nice. It seems like I al­ways in­ter­rupt­ed you while you were step­ping out of your pas­try cart for a cig­a­rette, and I’m sor­ry about that. You seem like a pleas­ant man, and not creepy. Then one day your cof­fee did­n’t taste as good any­more. I gave it a few more chances, and it still re­mained be­low par. I start­ed com­ing by less of­ten. Lat­er, they did that road con­struc­tion, so your cart was some­times across the street, and some­times not there at all. I nev­er got back in the habit. Sor­ry about that.

Em­ploy­ees of Oren’s Dai­ly Roast:

Some­times your cof­fee of the day is good, and some­times it is­n’t. I ac­cept that it’s bound to be that way. Why are you all so surly, though? I al­ways tip you, and I’m un­fail­ing­ly po­lite. Your work en­vi­ron­ment is gen­er­al­ly clean and I’ve nev­er seen you abused by a cus­tomer. Yet, al­ways an­gry or in­dif­fer­ent. It seems to me that you have it pret­ty good. Al­so: guy who looks like Lavar Bur­ton, you short­changed me $5.


Guy in the cart by the Li­brary:

Your cof­fee is not good, but it’s the cheap­est. I ad­mit that I do some­times have on­ly 50 cents on my per­son, and that’s when I come to you. The crap you serve is still bet­ter than what’s avail­able free in the kitchen at work.


Fel­low at Au Bön Pain this morning:

Sor­ry I on­ly had a twen­ty dol­lar bill to give you. The eigh­teen sin­gles I got back make my wal­let bulge sug­ges­tive­ly. The truth is I on­ly bought it so I could have an ex­cuse to use your re­stroom — I need­ed to change my clothes. PS: I like your lit­tle uniforms.

Filed under Non-Fiction on August 30th, 2004

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Reader Comments

Anonymous wrote:

un­fail­ing­ly po­lite? right.

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